Photo by Priscilla Du Preez on Unsplash

Spring is my favorite season, so I’m in heaven. I love spring breezes and warm sunshine.

Speaking of things that feel good…here’s something that doesn’t:

Hugs that make you cringe.

I hear over and over and over again thoughts like this:

“When he hugs me, I think, ‘Oh, he just wants sex.’”

“She cuddles up next to me and I cringe. I just want to watch TV.”

Isn’t it lovely when physical affection creeps you out? NOT!

Why do we let this happen in our romantic relationship?

Miscommunication?

We make assumptions.

We avoid speaking up.

We try to be “nice”…


Photo by The Creative Exchange on Unsplash

Living in a sexless relationship can be troubling.

You feel like you should be more connected physically.

It feels weird to be in a relationship without sex. After all, without it, what are you…roommates??

But…remember if you’ve been in love before without having sex with the person.

Compare it to drinking. Once upon a time, 8 year olds went to birthday parties and didn’t say, “Gee, I hope they have alcohol!”

Same thing with sex.

Remember a time when you were in a romantic relationship and sex wasn’t involved. Did it change your feelings about that person or not?

This…


Photo by Nana Smirnova on Unsplash

I had an old belief “wiggle” free and I’m as excited as a little kid losing a tooth.

Here’s the news flash: The past is over. It only lives on when you replay it in your mind.

Sure, other people in your life might have a story about the past, too.

But unless you call it up into your present awareness…it literally does not exist.

I have known this truth on a cognitive/intellectual level.

Yet it’s been subtle how much my stories about the past were affecting my decisions and actions.

Patterns from the past can definitely come up in…


Photo by henri meilhac on Unsplash

Think about last weekend. Did you have a lovely, romantic time?

Passion, heat, lots of meaningful eye contact??? Wiggling eyebrows so playfully full of promise?

Er, nope?

Sometimes I think that passion is overrated.

I work with people in every stage of a relationship, from the blush of new love to partnerships that are decades long, each of them questioning the quality and quantity of their intimacy.

It’s not uncommon to hear things like…

“It just felt like there used to be more passion.” or

“I feel like there never was a lot of passion. That was a red flag.”…


Create the love you want to feel on Valentine’s Day or any day!
Create the love you want to feel on Valentine’s Day or any day!
Photo by Annie Spratt on Unsplash

Here in the US, Valentine’s Day is Sunday the 14th.

The men and women I work with have different thoughts about Valentine’s Day.

Some love it.

Some dread it.

A lot of them think it’s a fake holiday, silly and a “waste.”

And many secretly wish they were in the first blush of love where “silly” gestures were still exchanged and, yes, expected.

How about you?

I have traveled this journey, the ups and downs of this silly, made up holiday.

I remember being a nerdy teen girl hoping I’d get flowers delivered to school.

Then a young married woman…


Photo by Yomex Owo on Unsplash

Have you heard about “Dry January”? It’s when people give up alcohol for the month of January.

Dry January made me think of people in low intimacy relationships. In this case, “dry” means no sex. Is it different when you are “dry” not by choice but by circumstance?

Do you feel deprived of intimacy in your relationship? Or do you feel like you’re depriving your partner?

Nothing is sexier than expectations, am I right?? I’m kidding! 😀 Few things are less sexy than the pressure of expectations, no matter where they come from.

I have a friend who has a…


Photo by freestocks on Unsplash

Happy New Year! Feeling excited about 2021?

Yeah, also…how’s your love life?

Did you make a resolution to “have a more connected relationship”?

We make resolutions to acquire something (new body! new job! new relationship! new whatever!).

But…most of us don’t resolve to take amazing care of what we already have. How many of us add “make sure to get car oil changed on schedule” or “pay taxes on time” to our goal list?

Why not? Not sexy, that’s why! And it’s common that people take their romantic relationship for granted…until it’s too late.

Your 2022 relationship can be ah-mah-zing…

Lisa Schwaller

In a low intimacy (sexless) relationship? Let’s unravel “why” and learn the best “how” to create the connection you crave. https://lisaschwaller.com/

Get the Medium app

A button that says 'Download on the App Store', and if clicked it will lead you to the iOS App store
A button that says 'Get it on, Google Play', and if clicked it will lead you to the Google Play store